On That Day, One Month Ago
by Aqua Zephyrus
Summary: Hotch/Reid :: Aaron had no idea it was really going to snow. He also had no idea that he'd reached a limit in bottling up his feelings about one very sensitive matter... one everyone had accepted now but him. Thank god Spencer was there to help him.


**Cross-posted over at LiveJournal under the account of the same name. **

**Friend of mine with whom I roleplay with suggested something involving Hotch and Reid with their trench coats, Reid's purple scarf, and a kiss in the snow. I am under the understanding that it doesn't snow in October in Virginia very often (if at all), but for the sake of everything in this fic, it does today.**

**Hotch/Reid established relationship. You've been warned.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, Aaron Hotchner, Spencer Reid, or the purple scarf.**

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><p>How much pain they have cost us, the evils which have never happened. ~<em>Thomas Jefferson<em>

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><p><span>On That Day, One Month Ago<span>

Trench coat? Check. Wallet? Check. Credentials? Check.

Snow? Unfortunately, check.

Aaron shivered, pushing open the doors to the federal building and walking outside into the cool October afternoon. His hands shoved into his pockets, he looked as innocent as a passerby and broody as a federal agent with that glint in his chocolate eyes. One would think he was single, that he really needed to get laid. Maybe grab a drink at the bar or have a night out with some friends. They wouldn't think that he got all that and a hell of a lot more than he thought he ever deserved; that he had a boyfriend, that he got laid almost every night, that he did have scotch once in a while to dull the pain of his job and life.

He didn't think he deserved Spencer; considering recent events and how he had been forgiven in due time about his behavior involving the Prentiss and Doyle affair, Aaron had honestly thought it was too soon for him to get any sort of sex or intimate touch with him. He'd _lied,_ for god's sake, and that shattered the trust between them to a point of almost not talking for those two weeks. Then there was his lover verbally ripping into JJ and him trying to calm him down… and failing. The party at Dave's… Morgan's prank… the little things here and there, showing his stress and exasperation with the situation still.

Yes, they had made up. Yes, the lingering bitterness was fading. And yes – Aaron still felt awful as hell.

The unit chief slipped a hand out, pushing open the door and immediately smelling the blend of coffee and Danishes inside the Corner of Fifth. He smiled faintly, immediately imagining Spencer chattering behind him about the various types used and what almost everyone in the office had asked for in the morning. Lovable, caring Spencer Reid. _Doctor_ Reid, to be precise.

The grin faded, though, as he stepped into the short line of people and took out his phone. Two-fifty five. This day was dragging worse than anything in the world.

"…you looked like you kicked a dog."

Aaron didn't turn around, placing his phone back into his pocket. "I feel like _I'm_ the kicked dog."

"Why?"

"Call it a bad feeling."

Behind him, Spencer's lips twitched into a small smile at the remark. He tilted his head, watching his boyfriend in front of him and keeping silent while moving up in the line. They hadn't really spoken to each other in a long while as partners, as friends. As _lovers,_ for god's sake. This was truly the first time in the last few weeks that they'd been so close to one another, much less talked. The young genius wondered to himself for a moment if Aaron really had been okay with everything; if he had, they would have talked more. "Bad feeling?"

He didn't answer, walking up to the counter and asking for the usual – a large regular, nothing fancy and no strings attached. It was out and ready in about three minutes, and Spencer's own quickly followed it. Aaron grabbed his coffee, looking down and walking back to the front entrance. _He_ probably didn't want to see him at all. Sure, they made up. That didn't change a goddamn…

"Aaron?"

…thing.

"Please. Just – wait up."

Great.

The unit chief slowed down, and it was at a good pace; one that Spencer could catch up to him and hold open the door as Aaron walked outside and back into the snow. Already, it covered the sidewalk, and he had a bad feeling it was only going to get worse outside as the day rolled on. With a shiver, Aaron turned to his boyfriend, coffee cup in hand. "What is it?"

Spencer blinked. "I, uhm, I was wondering if we could talk."

"What's there to talk about?"

"I don't know. You. Me. _Us."_ The doctor's eyes pierced Aaron's, searching desperately for some sort of reaction. Anything. Sure, he had placed a wall up, and little by little, it was coming down again. Yet, the protective shield that Aaron hid locked himself in was tighter than ever before. It was terrible, and Spencer just wanted to destroy it. Shatter it, break it, put a _crack_ in it. The only question was: how would he do it? "We haven't talked in days."

Aaron shrugged a little. "We've made up. We talked about it. We moved on."

"As _colleagues._ What about as _human beings_?"

Oh. Aaron fiddled with the coffee cup a moment, unable to look at him. He coughed, deep and rumbling – a whooping cough. "I…" He closed his eyes and folded his arms, sighing. "I'm sorry."

Spencer kept a blank face. "For what?"

"…for everything."

There was silence after this, as if Spencer was encouraging him to continue.

"I haven't been taking this as well as everyone's thought." He finally glanced up at Spencer, ignoring the looks of other passer-bys and shaking his head. "I really thought I would be over everything by now, and to be honest, I'm not. I'm in as much pain as everyone else _was_ a few weeks ago. You all have seem to have gotten over Emily's return, in a way, and I guess I haven't been feeling great since the revelation." His eyes dropped back to his coffee cup. "It might seem like everything's back to normal, but – "

" – it really isn't," Spencer finished.

Aaron nodded, coughing again and stopping briefly. He sipped his drink and exhaled slowly, his breath showcased in a plume of steam. "I still feel the betrayal. The pain. The knowing it may very well take months for you all to actually legitimately _trust_ me ever again. And while I know everyone else has gotten over the fact, I just… it hurts. It still hurts." He could feel himself curling up inside, and his body was wrapping up once again with his arms folding and the coffee close to him. "It shouldn't hurt, but it does. I feel ridiculous for it."

Spencer stood there a moment, taking a sip of his own coffee before setting it down on the table next to them. He watched Aaron for a long moment, gauging his emotions. After a minute, he slowly unraveled the purple scarf around his neck and wrapped it around his hands. The man walked closer to Aaron and reached over his head, placing the scarf behind his neck and pulling him a little closer. The unit chief jerked forward in response, blinking before he found his lips suddenly being kissed.

Usually, it would have been a much more private affair, but the man told himself to screw the privacy and give Aaron something he probably needed (and wanted) very badly. He tugged him a little closer with the scarf, eyes fluttering shut and tasting the roasted coffee on his lips and tongue. One hand now held the scarf in place, the other sliding around Aaron's frame and holding him close. Intimate.

When he finally broke the kiss, Aaron could only stare at his boyfriend. Spencer smiled faintly before nuzzling his temple. "…you worry too much sometimes."

"I – but – you…"

"I was upset. I was angry, but… I'm not mad at you any more than I am at anyone else." The fingers slipped from his scarf, one hand cupping Aaron's cheek and turning his face down to look at him. "It's okay. Emily's back. The team is together again. And well – I miss you. I miss you a lot." His eyes gazed into Aaron's own, gentle but pained. "I wish you would come over, and we would just… I don't know. Do something together. Anything."

The FBI agent sniffled a little. Spencer sighed, leaning forward and resting his forehead against Aaron's. "You're going to get sick without wearing a scarf."

Aaron laughed weakly. "I am."

"You're wearing a scarf back to the building." He gave his boyfriend a look. "No excuses." Already, he was wrapping the scarf around the unit chief – well, half of it.

The other half was still around his neck, and before he could take it off, Aaron had grabbed his coffee and slipped an arm around his waist. He pulled the genius close to him, closing his eyes and sighing softly. "How can I make this up to you? Not seeing you, not being with you, not doing much of anything with you over the past month; there has to be something I can do for you."

Spencer pursed his lips before smiling briefly. "…stop apologizing and take the rest of the day off? You've been working yourself sick. It's time someone took care of you."

Those were words the broken unit chief hadn't heard in a long time.


End file.
